“Closure is something that we cultivate on our own, like a Chia pet.”
Anna Pulley, sex columnist
I came across this quote a while back, and it’s the first thing that gave me some peace about how my last serious relationship ended. We had dated over the summer. I liked the way he could go into long, impassioned tangents about history, look out for my stop while we were on the bus so that I could rest, and make up stories with me where we could geek out and build our own fantasy worlds. The last time we really talked, right before I started school, we were making plans for his birthday.
But after that conversation, I suddenly couldn’t get a hold of him again. He emailed me once to say that he was having problems with his phone and laptop. That was it – he didn’t say anything at all about our plans. After that, I never heard from him again. I was worried that something bad had happen to him, or that I had done something to offend him. I tried a few times to ask him what was wrong and if we could talk about it. After a week of silence, I sent him a final ‘if I don’t hear from you by x date, I’ll assume it’s over’ email, and when that date rolled around, I threw in the towel for good. I saw him on the bus a few weeks ago, so I know he’s not dead. I consider him dead to me emotionally, though. Since he didn’t even bother to break up with me properly, I don’t consider him worthy of the title of ‘ex. In my mind, I just think of him as ‘ghost.’
I have dated around since then, but I have been a little nervous about getting into a relationship again, because now the possibility is always in the back of my mind that whoever I’m with might drop off the face of the earth on me. It makes it difficult to relax and enjoy a relationship. I want to work on my abandonment issue so I can move forward with my life. This quote really helped me start the process. It made me laugh, and the worst of the pain has subsided. Now, every time I think about it, (or any other situation which makes me wonder why it ended the way it did) I imagine myself watering an Chia puppy instead. It actually works, sort of like a Patronus charm. I might just get one to put in my room!